From the Mind of z0ltan

Last shot done with;New beginning

2011-08-10T00:55:00.000+05:30

This one is for me and my peeps. Heh.

Reload

2011-07-27T12:53:00.000+05:30

Tonight.

Off to a brand new start...with a slightly off-color disposition

2010-11-22T20:35:00.002+05:30

It has been almost a year since I last posted here and probably about the same time since I had made it private. Invisible to anyone else but me. Of course, you had the backup made before I could delete it, didn't you, Sowmya? Heh. Never mind though, because as I trudgingly make my laborious convalescence, I believe it is the right time to re-incarnate my blog. Not least of all so that I have a medium to rant about the pathetic state of medical care in the country. More so the abject degradation of human life in such institutions. If I was not sure in my mind about emigrating out of India before, now I am positively certain the benefits far outweigh the losses. More on these topics (and a lot more) coming up. Peace!

How much am I worth dead? $3925!

2010-01-31T23:19:00.001+05:30

Now just how much might I be able to get for this blog? Hehehe.

$3925.00

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Sites

;-)

2009-10-26T23:48:00.003+05:30



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joCnKrjjL9o&feature=related

The Dumbification of Our Times

2009-10-24T23:37:00.005+05:30

"It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull"
- H. L. Mencken

Irony. That is how a friend of mine would comment on that quote. Then again, she would do the same for almost anything else that I would do or say. The real irony that I see entrenched within that wondrous quote by Mencken is the fact that the "sure man" referred to is increasingly becoming the "deluded man". There are many today who would let torrents of words flow in an apparent case of what is best described by Carlin himself, "verbal diarrhea". The saddest part is this though - the poor soul himself suffers greatly from delusions of grandeur wherein he's actually edifying the (unwilling) audience while in reality it is naught but a test of their patience and humor. Unfortunately this trend is on the rise and the more I observe it in people, the lighter my bounty of patience becomes. That is the first aspect of the whole matter. The second and even more worrisome side is that (probably related to the first phenomenon) there is a concomitantly observed uptake in the fall of the average man's capacity for intellectual conversation. By which I mean to imply that along with the apparent increase in the dullness of man the surety of his own virtual intelligence has also increased which only goes to highlight Mencken's mockery of the Common Man. While there is always an option for reprieve from the former, Man, being a social animal, has less means of escape from the latter.

I do not profess to be the smartest human or even an exceptionally gifted one. However I do recognize in myself the innate ability for cogitation, introspection, logical deduction as also a fair amount of creativity. No doubt a fair amount of the populace, by sheer force of statistical probability, would needs fall into this category. Barring socio-economic factors which would necessarily influence the amount and quality of education and most importantly the emotional stimulus provided to such a representative person in his or her formative years, there is very little to differentiate a major variation of intellectual prowess within this specific demographic. It is only natural to assume then that when we probe and study the inter-personal behavioral interactions within this section of the population, we should find at least a common level of intelligent exhibition. Disturbingly though I find that this is not the case! At pain of sounding like an intellectual elitist I must express my personal indignation and distaste at the present state of affairs. Let me explain why it should be so in a bit of detail.

In my interactions with a large number of people (and this is an observation wrought over many years) I have seen this need to overly simplify or in cruder terms, 'dumbify' (sic) my own statements so as to avoid the blank stares of inscrutable intent that are flashed back at me. Even if the conversation is germane to a very specific discussion of which the other party might be arguably an expert, I have seen that many people are simply unable to hold a half-way decent intellectually satisfying conversation about it. Or anything for that matter. Of course I do not mean that people should be walking about spouting like scientific journals. That would be plain ridiculous. Is it, however, so preposterous to presume that moderately intelligent people should be able to hold a correspondingly intelligent discourse when the situation should so demand? That the parties of a debate should be fluent in their diction, logical in their arguments and impressive in their flair and emphatic in their effect? Or should the status quo of half-witted, illogical, unordered and incomplete arguments be allowed to pass for the finest intercourse that this generation can produce? This can only be deleterious to the whole intellectual evolution of humankind. Not too long back there was an article I had chanced upon on the Internet - it was a beautifully simple, direct and well-written essay by a 14 year old schoolboy in the early 1920's about his imaginative description of the future. What was most interesting about the article was the large set of comments from readers who were literally amazed at the quality of the prose! In fact most of the comments were humorous quips about how a present day 14 year old would be hard-pressed to even remotely match that quality of writing. Sadly, that is the truth. Now there are people who conveniently brush it off as an undesirable side-effect of the evils of modern day texting/IMing/emailing habits of children. I beg to disagree in the strongest possible terms. Just to provide a simple analogy, I had been reading this wonderful compilation of interviews called 'Coders at Work' and what struck me was the realization that there were as many highly motivated, self-disciplined and talented brilliant programmers in the early 1960's as there are now. Arguably the current generation is even better in terms of absolute abilities as well as sheer numbers, if only for the mind-boggling level of abstraction they operate in. There always have been hostile environments for people indulging in intellectual activities and almost never, ample support. In short, I feel that the whole situation is a continuing degradation of the abilities or rather the interest of the modern generation to learn the Art of Intelligent Discourse. A sufficiently endowed person with enough interest will learn it anyway. So these days I find myself irritated when I have to consciously water down my words and also the tone of my voice merely to pander to the fragile intellect and ego of the listener. This adds an enormous amount of unnecessary indirection, verbiage and bureaucratic inanity into the whole conversation such that in most cases the original purport of the conversation is itself lost. In addition to the brutal wastage of time I find that it is tremendously taxing to have to converse in an unnatural (and to be fair, perverse) manner. As such it is such a wonderfully enriching experience when I meet people I can actually hold a normal conversation with. I enjoy such exchanges tremendously and at times like these I begin to truly pine for the intellectual days of yore when stalwarts like Milton, Shakespeare, Bacon, Mencken, Twain, Pope, Newton, Leibnitz, Kant, Freud, Von Neumann, Feynman, Beethoven, Mozart and innumerable others walked about in their glory. How intellectually starved this present generation is! I call this feeling 'anachronopolism' - the exaggeratedly despondent emotion of the abject realization of having been born in the wrong place and the wrong time! Perhaps I am just an idealist. Perhaps so. Still, it does not change the fact that the ones who are most vocal today are the ones who are sure they are the creme de la creme of our generation's intellectual layer. And yet as Mencken mocked over a century ago, they are the ones most deluded. This cannot bode well for our future as a specie at all.

Out of exile..... yet again!

2009-10-01T13:10:00.002+05:30

Naaw, that was just a play on words on one of my favorite tracks by Audioslave. Seriously though the past year has been extremely busy and I have hardly had the time or energy to kick-start my blogging all over again. These days though I have finally been able to negotiate some breathing space (with myself!) and it is about time I got back into the game - both literally and figuratively, if you catch the drift. Hehehe. I have not really been idle or secretive with the goings-on in my life and here is where microblogging has come to my rescue! You can follow me on Twitter (@z0ltanz0ltan) unless, of course, I block you. Hahaha. Seriously, not kidding!

Prologue

2009-06-25T12:18:00.005+05:30

As a child I had once read in this wonderful book by Dominique LaPierre and Larry Collins, "Freedom at Midnight", a curious quote uttered by a group of American wanderer sages in Northern India - "Everything is transitory". I just never did feel the meaning of those words till now. I of course understood the purport but perhaps it is one of those rare occasions in life when one has to experience it to truly understand it.
The trials and travails of the past few weeks have indeed wrought about in me a deep appreciation of the wondrous depth of that simple aphorism. Just when one starts feeling smug and even ennuied(sic) with the whole idea of having deciphered the fundamental mysteries of life and its vicissitudes, one gets to savor such a sweet humbling experience. That's life for you.

To my dearest friend, whose last day at her current workplace is today, I just want to tell you that perhaps what happened is for the best and surely you are destined for many more things much greater than what you have achieved already. Take care and never ever look back. With all my love.

Fire and water - apt.

2009-03-03T08:42:00.004+05:30

Diagnosis: Major sunburn. Crinkly, leathery, scabby, dry, painful skin.

Cause: Four days of gay abandon in the summer sun and saline sea.

Cure: H20

Have fun!

Let's get on with it!

2009-02-02T09:37:00.007+05:30

It was probably in my fourth grade that I first learnt the term 'continuum'. It was such a fascinating word that I had to look up the exact definition to satisfy my curiosity. Even so, I daresay that I already had deduced the same, merely from the context. It bemused me no end - its simplicity wrapped in deceptive complexity and vice versa. Imagine a series of events per se which would appear to smoothly transmute and merge into one another - a veritable montage of subtle changes. And yet between any two sufficiently spaced points on this timeline the differences would be more than discernible;in fact to the casual observer, they could appear to be two unrelated events. Even in those early days my intellect could see the remarkable analogy in life itself. We plow through our daily lives with nary a thought about the past or many times even the future. All that really matters to us is the present - its deeds, decisions and consequences. The passage of time sneaks past all but the real connoisseur of introspection. Within a period of time (say, a year) things may have changed the same life beyond recognition and yet it's only at the end of time that the changes can be appreciated or indeed even detected.

One may wonder why I should choose to wax eloquent on the interpretation of that singular term and yet there is a good reason for it all the same. Yesterday was a special day. A simple one and yet one that marks a watershed in my own life. Since my first major relationship ended acrimoniously, I have had this habit of 'mourning' it. A wake if I may so, for the end of the relationship - no matter how easy or hard it may have been, no matter how good or bad . Perhaps it follows from my own principle of belief that I should pay my respects to something that arguably constituted a third of my life. The first time I did this was hard. Harder than anything that I ever had to do. My own self control seemed to be in jeopardy. Indeed for some time it would have been easier to give up and regress to more immediate means of alleviating the pain and yet I knew that would be wrong. It would be a mere emotional palliative. When I did get through that year, I found myself stronger. Emotionally, metaphysically and in terms of my self-esteem. I could truly appreciate and respect myself, unconditionally. Right about this time last year a special relationship - that which in so many ways I had felt would be the one for this mortal lifetime - ended. The questions remained unanswered and that is how it shall remain. That is not important. What really is pertinent is the fact that I knew or rather felt in
my heart that this beautiful journey was over. Who I had believed was my Acushla was not. It saddened me more than anything to witness this love shrivel and die. I had already lost a lover and a friend. Afore I lost all faith in human trust itself, I walked. And I never looked back. I do not regret that and I never will. The beauty of love lies in its free will. Each one makes a decision about what role that love plays in his or her life. Love cannot be coerced and love certainly cannot exist where the mind has pre-concluded the imminence of its end.

A year back it died. I have mourned, suffered, lamented, introspected, raged, raved, purged and paid my due respects. To the relationship that was and to me. Today I begin forth my life anew. Afresh and with no remnants of the past either in form or in intent. I am proud of myself and I am proud that I have the gumption to go forth and fulfill my destiny. About my Acushla, wherever she might be and whoever she might be, I will find her. I know when. To my past - so long and farewell. To all my friends and especially my family who stood by me, never letting me feel the void that was within, I love you all and I am truly grateful. Has this experience changed what I believe in and who I am? No, that would be to accord it far too much importance. If anything, it was eminently forgettable. Call me obstinate or call me naive, I call myself z0ltan. And here's to a fresh start to life. Peace!

The winter of wry-ters' block is over...

2009-01-24T21:34:00.005+05:30

By which I mean to say that this long blogging break is over my brizzles and nizzles.
Good cause to celebrate, aside from this, that is: Mondy Pydon (as the travel agent lady would have it).
Cheerios!

Musings on a wondrously appropriate topic at an equally inappropriate time!

2008-11-11T00:14:00.005+05:30

What I saw there made me realize that as opposed to the state of
affairs as I had perceived over a decade and a half back - where
social distinctions were based more on the ethnic differentiator,
the situation in the present day is more that of a modernized,
commercialized society where the strata are created based on
financial prowess. This is indeed a momentous time for that small,
quiet, brooding edge of the country for this is the irreversible
change of economic forces that is reshaping the whole social fabric.
I am deeply saddened to hear of people having to sink to low and base
means to make a living, of having to emigrate and work as cheap labor,
to have no access to education in a place where the per capita inflow
of capital would be nothing short of mind-boggling. I am not one to
judge these people for they are but in the same business as me - of
surviving. The only difference is that I am at a different level from
them. Who am I to look down upon them or berate them or empathize with
them? The truth is, I cannot know and never will be able to know what
they have been through, Yes, I have had my own demons and they haunt
me still but they are my bane and I deal with them. Sometimes it seems
hypocritical to be elevated in the plane of abstract sufferings,
ponderings, ecstasy and flight when there are people barely living
with their honor intact. To stave off digression, let me get to the
the main thrust of my opinion - unless and until the nepotism of the
plutocratic oligarchy is done away with for good, I see no hope for
the state or its people. See what happened to Africa? Lessons are hard
to learn when they are on the other side. Maybe you have the will,
perhaps even the strength to do something about it, your 'Enlightened
Nagas' spiel might still evoke passions within some rational people
and yet without a real social mass of dedicated people - day in and
day out, they will be but reduced to burning embers of a once
gloriously iridiscent blaze! So take heed my dear friend. Take good
heed.

Note: Adapted without elision from a communication to a friend.

One for all and for eternity

2008-10-29T02:12:00.003+05:30



"Regret for the things we did 
    can be tempered by time;
 It is regret for the things that we did not do
    that is inconsolable"

 - Sydney J. Harris.

I had been wrong...

2008-08-27T09:18:00.003+05:30

It's been long day at work
I haven't thought today
I haven't let doubts trouble me
I've been working without a pause
So I can tell you, I've been happy.
Now the day is done,
And as I let my waiting thoughts in,
What I see is a thousand things,
clamoring for attention inside my head.
I can't sort them out,
but there's One, so amazingly calm.
So beautiful and soft,
I want to simply pick it up.
It's the thought of my dearest friend.

I hope my friend is home by now
And thinking of a happy day spent.
I wish my dear friend is surrounded with
Warmth and comfort, joy and love all through the night,
Until morning shall bring an even nicer day.
I want you to smile even when you're asleep,
So I've asked the night to bring you it's happiest dreams.
I've asked the stars when they look over you at night,
To let you know how dear you are to them.
Now I'm going home, content,
For I've I just heard the Universe whisper a promise to me,
A promise to take care of my precious friend.

I know I do not deserve that but I was wrong the previous time - this is the best honor that I have ever been bestowed with. Not the success of a lifetime nor the peace of a perfectly unequivocal mens could bring me the satisfaction or happiness wrought by this simple and yet elegant and most of all honest mail from my dearest friend.
Nothing at all.

About a Girl

2008-07-06T10:28:00.003+05:30

A decade since I had seen her. Yet that same freshness in her smile, that same sparkle in her opalescent eyes, that dimpled chin that always brought out my own, the very same mellifluous voice - just richer with the time that has passed, auburn cascades of bewitching curls, the lithe, lissome form perfect in every movement of her gait, the wondrous persona that exuded such a powerful mystique that I could never resist. And to think it had been almost ten years. Hardly any change in all that time but perhaps it is my mind that had conspired to keep that image through the flow of time. Sneha. For the world. For me, cuisle mo chroidhe.

Like Grga Pitic said with such finesse (borrowing the same from Casablanca) in that deceptively light movie Crna mačka, beli mačor, "This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship". Friendship is moot. Now the itinerant Arwen is back. Trust z0ltan to take it all the way to Rivendell.

Respect.

(P.S: Title with all due respect to Geffen and Kurt. Peace.)

Some folks jez ain't made that way.

2008-07-02T09:22:00.000+05:30

Some folks jez ain't made that way.

Respect!

Rest in peace ol' friend...

2008-06-24T08:26:00.003+05:30

Today (technically yesterday according to the time zone I live in), a dear dear friend of mine (one-way) died (he wouldn't have me say it any other way). George Carlin, rest in peace and may you always entertain the world beyond.

The short blogging break almost over!

2008-06-19T18:28:00.002+05:30

Phew! Gee-whiz, what a period it's been. Almost three weeks of continuously stretched out work and you know what? It feels great! I have been so immersed in my work (which thankfully is showing signs of wanting to roll out of the bag and take flight into the seventh level of acid-induced pseudo-parallel reality) that I have had absolutely no time for blogging (except for lazing around, freaking out, playing hours of pool, watching all seasons of 'South Park' (hurray!), dating three women simultaneously (ahem..ahem..) and of course, laughing my backside off at the insane George Carlin... and yes, wikipedia says the ol' geezer's still alive, so that's another couple of years of the most putridly foul-mouthed-ly invigorating humor... ever!!! Fist!). Since I am quite pressed for time, I have to close this small intervening blog and maybe it will be a few days more before I can start writing prolifically, but I leave with a grin of the widest imagination possible (a la Catbert but infinitely more humane!). Meanwhile, I have been giving my technical blog a lot more emphasis too (something that should probably be the case from now on) but I will return.... soon. Till then, peace, cheers and a lot of jeers!

Made my evening ;-)

2008-05-15T15:21:00.005+05:30

http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Comments-from-a-Madman.aspx

C'est tout.

Update to my previous blog...

2008-05-09T14:51:00.002+05:30

In response to my comment on his blog (if you have no idea what I am talking about, refer to my previous blog, Jaisen replies thus:

@Timmy, I agree with most of what you said. I didn’t change the content because it is what it is. The title is accurate and does a good job of summarizing what I intended. I could have left out the word “India” or added in “Silicon Valley” and maintained accuracy. But everyone on here that’s upset overlooked the word “blindly”. I pick words very carefully and don’t hold myself responsible when others don’t do their due diligence and read what I write in context.

I did add “(keyword: blindly)” to the title to clarify. My original post does not in the least bit insinuate something against India or Indians. I can see how it was offensive when readers jump to conclusions and do not read everything in context.

I don’t write to target those readers. But I stand by my apology for any misunderstanding. I’m not trying to be a prick about it…but what I wrote is how I felt/feel and I’d rather clarify the post than change it.

Notwithstanding the fact that the title of the blog still remains unchanged,
I appreciate the controlled tone of the carefully-worded reply. And I still disagree that the blog is not racist. The presence or absence of the term "blindly" does not guarantee that the diatribe is not directed toward the named countries. This kind of gross generalization is quite unbecoming of a reputed and certainly well-qualified tech-guy like Jaisen.

Let's hope this is the end of the whole controversy.

Maybe someone should outsource his blog? ;-)

2008-05-09T09:06:00.003+05:30

It was not quite the beginning of a friday morning that I had been looking forward to. As is part of my daily rituals, I started the day off with a mug of black coffee, a quicklist of youTube videos, a check of my daily mail, a mental note of the things to be done today and of course, the viciously addictive reddit(programming). I tremendously enjoy browsing through the posts on reddit (not the main reddit anymore though - all I can see there is Ron Paul, Obama, four-letter words in capitals and a bunch of self-linked blog posts), especially the proliferation of tech-oriented blogs in recent times. Just appears to me that suddenly we have a million geeky folks who consider anything less than hacking in Haskell, OCaml, Lisp, Erlang, Arc (now that is a joke indeed with all due respect Paul) contemptible. And what is with these people who seem to be jousting for mere approval (yeah, that makes it a great reason to continue living, I garner!). Anyway, that is material for a completely different rant, another time (but the same place!).

I just came across this blog today and I just couldn't resist commenting on it. This is the kind of crass self-denigrating-ingratiating-flagellating-justifying POC (not "Proof Of Concept" for sure... think something more on the lines of "Piece of...") that I abhor, despise, vilificate, desist, scorn, hate, condemn et cetera... et cetera. Here is the link to this viciously despicable and despicably vicious article
this-is-what-happens-when-you-blindly-outsource-to-india. The purported "Update" is so hilariously ridiculously crassly opportunistically abhorrently hypocritical that I had better post my comment on the mentioned foul-and-putrid-specimen-of-technical-detritus-of-a-writing before I pulverize my whole day with an uncontrollable spate of hysterical maniacal (s)laughter-fest.

Dude, that update does nothing to undo the misunderstanding generated by your original post title! Your being Indian (or non-Indian) does not mitigate the fact that it seems highly opportunistic indeed to have a title like that. If you were indeed honest about your general rant against blind outsourcing, the title could have been more on the likes of

"This is what happes when you blindly outsource". Period.

As an addendum, I would like to comment that there are "visionary" programmers and "idiot" programmers (and the whole spectrum in between) in ANY country with a decent population and a working education system (No, not for the educational merits but for the exposure to technical fields that it undeliberately provides). Please don't let your bad experience provide an avenue for innately racist folks to vent their ire. If the whole scheme was so messed up, it would not exist in the first place. That is, however, a completely different issue not to be discussed here. I have a problem with the wording of your blog and even more with the motives which let you persist with such a derogatory title.

And yes, I am an Indian too. And please, whatever you do want to express, have the moral courage to own up to it. Helps. Really. It does! ;-)

Peace!

z0ltan.

On the author of the blog,like the Romans were apt to say: "Cucullus non facit monachum".

So sweet the pangs of separation

2008-05-06T13:02:00.002+05:30

So sweet the pangs of separation,
They make us feel the presence of love.
For the day these jabs be not felt,
'Tis the time come onward to move.

For love hurts who it does love,
It may seem like a strange paradox.
O Acushla, my dearest Princess,
This is not in the least a lover's hoax!

For you have seen it and felt it too,
This feeling of delightful misery.
When memories and thoughts of the lover,
Hurts the beloved e'en in a reverie.

So also it is with us my love, my heart.
Pray with every moment this feeling is born anew.
We share this wondrous invisible bond, O Princess,
That ties us and separates us too.

Madness this is of grand proportions

2008-05-06T13:02:00.001+05:30

Madness this is of grand proportions,
And there is no method in this.
Cast away all your masks and pretensions,
This is but a gross, rotting disease.

Love, they say, is a fair emotion,
Maybe the fairest of them all.
What use is this torturous distraction,
If it be root of self-destruction whole?

Can you read in these lines my anguish, O Princess?
These are not the utterings of disprized love.
There is a terrible pain in my heart, O Precious,
Would you my feelings under the earth forever shove?

Torment me no more I beg of you my darling,
This poor heart can bear no more of this injustice.
Considered you if ever my feelings worth more than a farthing,
Come here so that I may hold you and this soul have its peace.

And yet I know these are but words of madness to you,
Thus did I begin this piece of my heart and soul.
While you love you me with every breath O Acushla, my love true,
Here in waiting your man dies and turns into a ghoul.

Any other day I would choose to die

2008-05-06T13:01:00.004+05:30

Any other day I would choose to die
But this.
Know why, O the Angel of my life?
Pray, have patience awhile.
I will not you the reason deny.
Here I am sitting on my chair comfortable,
Headphones on listening to Danzig,
Staring at the screen of my notebook,
An expression between a smirk and a frown
Creases my harrowed forehead.
A flask 0f bitter black coffee stands light,
Its contents already corroding my innards,
The dim winter light without a trace of warmth
Flow in struggling from the window on my left,
My mind is throbbing with the strain of thoughts,
Thoughts of that inevitable process which has begun,
How I so curse the Fates for having blessed me
With this mind of infinite power, yeah,
Power even to destroy itself.
And in this mind of mine I can see,
Nay, literally bring to life,
That scene which does rail my soul so.
For 'tis the saddest truth I will e'er see
O my dearest love, my Acushla, my own baby,
That you love me and care for me too,
And for me, do I need any more to speak,
When you have this monument of love in your hands?
And yet, with all this love,
You live without me,
I die without you.
And till that day should come,
When I have this offering of love your precious self handed,
I cannot die. I cannot let this love die. I cannot die.

Eloquent I am in my love for you

2008-05-06T13:01:00.003+05:30

Eloquent I am in my love for you
In these declarations of passion,
Affirmations of smooth tensions,
Confirmations of my true intentions,
Presentations of my absolute devotion.
Care I not for the world me to appreciate
They are but a vulgar, banal lot to me.
And yet a single expression from you,
A mere smile as it were
Or a quiet lapse into concentrated listening
Or just a simple nod of that lovely head,
Is enough for me to swell with pride
And happiness.
Care I not for caring and love from any
But when you should shed a tear for me,
Lay on your bed lost in my thoughts,
Concern raising your voice a pitch higher,
Abnegation of principles for me to accommodate,
A simple prayer said in my name,
Moved I am then to tears my Princess.
Wherefore should I feel thus?
For hear me you and hear me well -
You are the one I chose to love, my Acushla,
And the one my love chose for me to love.

Rendition of a love so pure

2008-05-06T13:01:00.001+05:30

Rendition of a love so pure
Shall I show it to you my leanv?
Need you just to peek inside your chest,
And you will a whole new world see-
A treasured land of myriad choices,
Wondrous possibilities at every turn,
The warmth of a caring embrace,
The wetness of the tears of joy,
The sweetness of faithful companionship,
The sourness of playful arguments,
The heat of passionate lovemaking,
The bitterness of separation short and long
And also permanent.
Would you have me show you all these O Acushla?
Nay, just look inside you
And you will find me there saying,
"I love you".

Dearest Beloved are you still mine?

2008-05-06T13:00:00.002+05:30

Dearest Beloved are you still mine?
This heart burns in the flames of passion.
Come you and douse them with your love,
Cannot I bear any more this wringing tension.

Dearest Beloved are you still mine?
My soul cries out for your loving touch.
Come you and provide succor to your lover,
Cannot I this loneliness bear much.

Dearest Beloved are you still mine?
I yearn to just hear a whispered nothing.
Come you and sing to me songs of your passion,
Cannot I miss anymore your voice bewitching.

Dearest Beloved are you still mine?
My emaciated mind and body want you.
Come you and become one with your z0ltan?
Acushla, you have my whole life, is any more due?

You want to hear something special?

2008-05-06T13:00:00.001+05:30

You want to hear something special?
Close your eyes, open your mind,
Let yourself in my music flow.
Don't hold back O the peace of my burning soul,
You are the rhythm of my tune,
The chords of my weeping guitar,
The notes that you had inspired me to compose,
Mellifluous words that lead you to a dreamy eyed land?
Your very own inspiration my lovely flower.
This is the music of love O Acushla,
Strained not and forced not,
It merely flows in streams of fluid passion
And whirls through cascades of devoted celebration
Of that fair emotion which I do bear for you my love,
And you for me.
Listen, O Princess, for this our music of love.

Masquerades of sheer delusion play with me not

2008-05-06T12:59:00.003+05:30

Masquerades of sheer delusion play with me not,
O fair maiden with my heart steal away so gingerly not.

The night is fresh and the dew sits on the grass not,
Dance away in passionate glory, of the morrow worry not.

Flirt with me for the mood is right but play with me not,
Skirt around the limits of propriety but be untrue to me not.

Smile to bedevil the devil himself but generous with it be not,
Hand in hand and step in tune, make merry but be merry not.

Mercurial is understood, 'tis a ladies prerogative O Acushla,
Meretricious companionship I beg you ever be not.

Far far do these lonesome eyes seek

2008-05-06T12:59:00.001+05:30

Far far do these lonesome eyes seek,
On this starry starry night sky.
Merry hope flashes for a glimpse,
Of that face for which I would die.

The firmament is dark and forbidding,
Loneliness writ large across its surface.
A comet of portentous bearings flashes past,
O carry me with you, make me not bear this fuss.

This separation is difficult to bear,
Where are you O Acushla, my heart's succor.
Would you your z0ltan leave in this manner,
The pain of your longing alone to suffer?

In these words plain but honest,
I say that I live but for you my Precious.
Dreamy eyed I smile through my tears,
Cannot you see those days of union glorious?

O that you should ask me that question

2008-05-06T12:58:00.004+05:30

O that you should ask me that question
That pierced my heart and puzzled my mind.
Would that I had dissoluted into nothingness
Afore I heard, nay felt the effrontery of those
Cursed words that fell upon my unfortunate ears.
Love another one while I breathe my love for you?
Is this the trust that z0ltan evoked in your fair breast
O Acushla?
Would that the ground had opened up and cast me into
The damnation of hell itself, before you should have
Stunned, ravaged me then and tormented me so long after
With the disbelief of it all.
I love none now but you my Princess,
Trust these just words of z0ltan.
Afore you should say another line, hear me O my maiden,
I have loved none as much as I have loved you,
Cared for you more than I could care for my own life,
Trusted you without question and maybe that is why it hurts so?
Accuse me of any peccadillo, perversion or gross perjury,
But ne'er accuse me of base infidelity.
Know you how much I do value your happiness and joy?
I love you enough to let you go.

Now and forever

2008-05-06T12:58:00.003+05:30

Now and forever,
This day, this moment and this hour,
Not a jiffy to lose,
Seconds, minutes tick away, do rush past,
Ne'er to beyond their quota last,
Scary how time is measured in quantity
And rarely by quality.

For if the latter be considered my dearest heart,
This year of devoted love that I have spent,
This year of glorious highs and lows,
This year of wondrous meetings and teary departings,
This year of chance proposals and quick disposals,
This year of memories refreshed and new ones created,
This year of old reverberations and new revelations,
This year of our love, O Acushla,
Is, my Princess, my Precious,
No less than a lifetime.

A restless woman a dangerous wife does make

2008-05-06T12:58:00.001+05:30

A restless woman a dangerous wife does make,
'Twas the maxim that I you did tell.
Means not she should at home stay baking a cake,
'Twould be for both no less than a living hell.

Nature is abundant in its variety,
It made each of us unique.
In behavior and in manners of propriety,
Randomness of bounteous complexity we do mimc.

Man is bound by his genes,
To be protective, caring and providing.
The lady is by the same means,
Designed to be tender, sharing and loving.

What kind of a wife would you make my liege?
Did I ever on that question my mind ponder?
Yes, Acushla, my wife-never-to-be, 'tis been a privilege,
For you are but an immaculate but distant wonder.

Multitudes of suitors beg for your attention

2008-05-06T12:57:00.003+05:30

Multitudes of suitors beg for your attention,
I am not one them , worthy as they might be.
Fair you are and of beauty and of passion,
Yet I chose you for not what my eyes can see.

Acushla, I call you my Princess and I do mean it,
From the first time that I called you so.
Your heart, intelligence, integrity and wit,
Are what smote z0ltan I'll have you know.

Of beauty in appearance and dazzling shape,
You are no doubt most blessed.
Clothes of wondrous adornment that you drape,
Most alluring and pleasing, there, I have confessed.

And yet these are but the ones that are of the moment,
Your heart and your soul are what will last a long time.
Your frankness and openness and love are my contentment,
Care to try it, my love, over a lifetime?

Orisons from my heart for you my Precious

2008-05-06T12:57:00.001+05:30

Orisons from my heart for you my Precious,
Wish for myself none I have,
Only for the happiness of the one I love.

Ne'er you be sad or lonely,
Always be happy and with company.

Ne'er there be a tear in your eye,
Save for of boundless joy that you cry.

Ne'er you be hurt in mind or body,
And to hold you there always be somebody.

Ne'er you remember the pains of the past,
The present and future be yours till the last.

Ne'er you be unsuccessful in any endeavor,
With your intelligence strive and conquer.

Ne'er that you should suffer in love,
Fulfilment and contentment for you do behove.

In ending this is but what for me I do ask,
Take it not, my Princess, as a mere task.
I loved you true and I cared for you beyond any,
May you have all the happiness and comforts my lady.

Whispers in the night to you

2008-05-06T12:56:00.002+05:30

Whispers in the night to you,
In a language strange and alien,
In the knowledge that you do hear those words,
For the reason that the words imply,
All for love. All for love.
These sweet words of love's affirmation
Are but the outpourings of your devoted lover's heart,
Meager words they may sound from any other,
From this man, each one is a portion of his lifeblood.

Fast asleep, in the dead of the night,
Staring lovingly at the closed eyes of my baby,
How can I sleep O heavens,
When there is so much beauty in front of me?
Open I my mouth and open I my soul,
Most vulnerable am I at this moment Acushla,
Ne'er mind, 'tis you that I show myself to so.

Words come out like fluid poetry,
Nary an effort I have to make.
Every one of them a monument of love to you,
Ne'er mind you cannot them hear.
Soft you open your eyes and gaze at me so,
And in that moment of frozen stillness, O darling,
I was the happiest in my life so.

Excerpt from a page of my life

2008-05-06T12:56:00.001+05:30

Excerpt from a page of my life
Shall I show you, my dearest Acushla?
Nothing extraordinary or mysterious,
Might e'en sound a bit delirious.
Doubt you not though the purport of it all,
For honesty is the hallmark of z0ltan my doll.

Here is what it would read like,
If you should spare the moment to read:
"'Tis a day full of hopes and opportunities,
To show my Princess how much my love is worth,
With congenial surpsises galore.
A small poem, a bit of song and play,
Some serious dialogue and a bit of roll in the hay?
Nay, that is being naughty, a bit of simple talk,
A bit of fun to be had from just a simple walk.
Remember her with my every thought,
Pray for her the Lord to keep,
Secure in the knowledge of her safe comfort,
Eat on time and travel in care,
Does she get her sleep optimal too?
Above all, though the bodies be afar,
Feel one in spirit and soul with my lady true.
And the day does close approach its end,
Smile in quiet contemplation of my Precious,
Sleep well, sleep tight my Princess,
For z0ltan is always watching o'er you."

Sweeter than any poem I could ever write...

2008-05-06T11:19:00.001+05:30

God,
Give my friend someone nicer for a friend,
Someone who can bring cheer to his world,
Someone who can make him smile.
I am just sitting here helpless,
I've tried all I can,
I know I can't make you smile.

If I knew it would bring you someone dear.
How I'd give myself away.
It hurts me.
Sitting here doing nothing,
But watch my dear friend suffer!

Dear God, make my friend's wish come true. For it's making me cry.

Than you my dearest friend.

Hold you tight on this starless night

2008-05-06T09:40:00.002+05:30

Hold you tight on this starless night.
Windy, forlorn and not a soul in sight.
Care I not for the company of any other,
None but my unborn child's sweet mother.

Sleep in my arms O the succor of my soul,
Watch you, O Precious, resting in comfort whole.
Not a wink should come into my tired eye,
Afraid to miss your every content sigh.

Acushla, my Princess and my soul's delight,
Breathe softly and shine your smile so bright.
On this dark, chilly night not a care for you to worry,
Sleep on, the night is long, ne'er a reason to hurry.

Thoroughfare my heart is not my dear

2008-05-06T09:40:00.001+05:30

Thoroughfare my heart is not my dear,
Open to the whims and fancy traipsings of
All the fair ladies that be.

'Tis but the very few that I choose
That can but place their dainty feet so.
And I chose you too.

Few women have piqued my interest,
Fewer still have won my heart.
Acushla, you are one of them too.

I love you true,
I would swear till the end of time.
And yet 'twould be time not enough.

In caring for you I might have hurt you so.
For love and for care,
Forgive me my Princess so.

Expressions of love and adoration

2008-05-06T09:39:00.001+05:30

Expressions of love and adoration,
In muted tones of quiet desperation,
Would that she could feel the tension,
And open her eyes to see the passion.

To tell you would be no less than treason,
For in love there is no condescension,
Open your mind and your senses with intention,
To live and to die in the glorious revelation.

Of love, of care and of absolute devotion,
Not a bit of callousness or shallow pretension,
Acushla, the good Lord's loveliest creation,
And my heart's sweetest contemplation.

Can you not see your lover's apprehension?
Can you not feel your heart's trepidation?
Can you not experience this life's consummation?
Can you not see this is our union's foundation?

Companions I lack not to make merry with

2008-05-06T09:38:00.004+05:30

Companions I lack not to make merry with
The finest specimens of that fair sex.
Hang around, roll about,
The decent sensibilities of the clergy to vex.
And yet in this celebration of vibrant youth,
There is but a small speck that does rankle,
Rant, ravage, rage, rail and discomfit,
Prophetic indicators of something
That is amiss.
And it is this - beauty beyond comparison
And charm unequalled may it be so
And yet She is not my Princess,
And yet She is not my Precious,
And yet She is not my Life,
And yet She is not my Acushla.

Not for a moment let me lose your sight

2008-05-06T09:38:00.003+05:30

Not for a moment let me lose your sight,
These eyes will lose their purpose
O Acushla!

This heart is weak, make it not weep,
It will cease to beat
O Acushla!

Nights I have spent alone, I alone know how,
Each one was a torture worse than death
O Acushla!

Days devoid of your presence, I have suffered so,
Smile on the face and tears in the heart
O Acushla!

Not hearing your voice, not feeling your touch,
Seeing you only in my memory, smelling you in my mind,
Bear witness to me O the sweet Gods of the heavens
Also the fiends of the devil's domain,
z0ltan alone has lived and died with and without you
O Acushla!

Expectations that crept in my love

2008-05-06T09:38:00.001+05:30

Expectations that crept in my love
Can I blame them for the love that is no more?
Is it right to make of them a scapegoat,
Mere human terms masking human faults?
Wish I could turn back the wheel of time
To the moment you said "We're in",
I would stop you and beg you to think again,
Are you really ready for the plunge my love?
Man is frail in body, e'en more so in spirit,
In will one can rant louder than the roar
Of the thunder on the stormiest night,
And yet that will will last not but a moment
Too small.
My heart aches with the memories of old,
The times and the words spoken so,
Are they worth not e'en a solitary thought?
Mere milestones on a relationship lost?
Aye Acushla, 'tis but truth I tell you now,
I knew I loved you the moment I told you so,
And e'er since there ne'er has been a doubt
Of that feeling my fair maiden.
To this day when the love has ended my love,
I was to you, my Princess, most true.

Treasons of the heart incomparable

2008-05-06T09:37:00.002+05:30

Treasons of the heart incomparable
In the mount of this love of ours,
Speak you not in this manner vain O angel,
Laugh you not like a stranger from afar,
Act you not like an ingenue conceited,
Forget you not the musings of my heart now muted.
For that day will be the saddest of my life
When you should forget the meaning of our love,
When you should need a reason to talk,
When I should need an excuse to take the walk.
O Acushla, my heart's most potent desire,
Turn you not so blind my love,
That you should fail to see your own z0ltan.

Soft you now O heart, be calm

2008-05-06T09:37:00.001+05:30

Soft you now O heart, be calm,
Be not so impetuous and stubborn!
'Tis not the time come yet,
Douse those fires inside that do burn.

She is the one you desire most,
The only one that could make you stop.
She is the woman of your dreams,
Make you your pretences drop.

'Tis bittersweet at moments like this,
When you do cry and and smile for the nonce,
Console you with thoughts of the time to come,
When you will be one with her for all and not just once.

She is your lifeblood, your beat,
And the reason for your persistence.
Care you for her all your life O heart,
For she is Acushla, the reason for your existence.

Imprudent desires of a prurient mind

2008-05-06T09:36:00.002+05:30

Imprudent desires of a prurient mind,
Vacuous debauchery of an impudent kind.
Lecherous ravages that destroy and dispose,
Banality expressed in vociferous pose.

Insomnia and nostalgia mixed in melancholia,
The mind and its queer paraphernalia.
Desultory meanderings through emotional turbulence,
Transient passages through times of despondence.

Love, a verb and a noun too,
Of meaning verbose and disposition comatose true.
See you this Acushla, love is a blind vision,
But that z0ltan loves you, is no living delusion.

Xenophobes be damned O dearest heart of mine

2008-05-06T09:36:00.001+05:30

Xenophobes be damned O dearest heart of mine,
What do they know of the power of loving?
Care they for this emotion that arouses passion?
Nay, for they are in bigotry steeped drowning.

Love is borne out of love itself,
This is not a paradox of mischievous intent.
Feel it deep within for yourself,
O Acushla, in that warmth feel truly content.

You and I were meant to be together,
Shout from the rooftops I can this my dear.
And yet when love itself cannot live with love,
Distance would seem more caring than being near.

I saw your face my liege, as the mother of my child,
That firstborn of ours, the wee angel Violet.
If she were to be denied this life my own angel,
I would cease this life of mine, make not your eyes wet.

Easy to love and easier to forget?

2008-05-06T09:35:00.000+05:30

Easy to love and easier to forget?
'Twould seem to be the rule we live by.
Hearts meet and they collude, conspire
And concoct this msyteriously inexplainable
Mix of heady musings, crazy undertakings
And invariably nefarious dealings.
A veritable suspension of logical thought,
That would describe the process of love best.
O you fair gentry, O you mere menagerie!
Would you to this foolishness make haste?
Many a head has been lost to this occupation,
Geniuses, playwrights and statesmen not spared,
Fair ladies, ingenuous lasses and dazzling damsels,
All in this hopeless game of love are despaired.
And yet my Princess, O my fair fair Acushla,
If love be so full of pain and misery also,
Should we too fall in the vicious trap?
For this simple reason my Precious,
You love and I love you too.

Yesternight I saw you in my dream

2008-05-05T12:21:00.001+05:30

Yesternight I saw you in my dream,
So beautiful and so perfect.
The touch the same as I remember,
The smell as I had locked in my mind,
The voice that rings so sweet still,
The demeanor of grace that I adore so,
The selfsame presence of charm and wit
That seeing which I fell into a conundrum
Of whether 'twas a dream indeed or reality,
Whether it was not mere fantasy of this man,
Lovestruck and moonstruck upon you, O Angel,
Acushla, that name pierces my soft heart
And brings a tear to my little eye
Not of sadness but of terrible joy,
A wan smile of winsome shades,
A peculiar tiredness of love,
A lonesome companionship
And a heart that beats no more.
O Princess, I loved thee.

Musings of a betrothed heart

2008-05-05T12:20:00.000+05:30

Musings of a betrothed heart,
Pandering to the Cupid's tune?
Nay, it bodes not well for the man
That dances to that horrific loon.

This heart is of nature most wanton,
It seeks to fall at every twist and turn.
Desires to be razed and ravaged,
Lives to be sordid and wretched.

Lessons not learnt in time,
Sagely advise not worth a dime,
Scorned lover with a tongue of lime,
Rejoices nearing the end with the clock's chime.

Pray take care of my dear Acushla,
That you your heart do most carefully preserve.
Purify yourself with the bread of the chalice,
And gift it to the man who should you well deserve.

Finesse in the art of seduction

2008-05-05T12:19:00.003+05:30

Finesse in the art of seduction,
Glorious pursuit of that fair emotion.
For far and wide this heart does seek,
Ladies of honor, beauty and of mien meek.
A score and quarter I had searched my lady,
Zetetic in the deception of wondrous beauty.
Nay, not of appearances of the form physical,
These be but apparitions most ephemeral.
But of that true beauty of mind and spirit,
The soul and goodness of the heart without limit.
Disappointments galore I had to swallow,
Hope within did lapse and the spirit most mellow.
'Twas then that I found you O my little Princess,
Come and quench my thirst, O fill this rotting abscess!
That wanton betrayal and mortal deceit had wrought,
Perfection in every form and of my every thought!
Succor to these tired eyes and peace to this sordid heart,
Acushla, my Precious, why do you leave me here to smart?

On that cold morning in the month of october

2008-05-05T12:19:00.001+05:30

On that cold morning in the month of october,
I awoke with a tear in my eye.
I folded my clothes and packed my bag
And checked my tickets again.
I proceeded to the exit with a heavy heart,
Oh that the lady at the counter could see,
What an aching heart could see!

I walked out of there,bag hanging on my shoulder,
Camera slouching around my neck,
Ambling down the slopy side.
I hailed a taxi, 'twas quite a choppy ride.
Ruminated on the events that had passed,
And the one planned for the day.

I reached the place, seemed not strange one bit.
Shapes and emotions fleeting in my memory,
Cared I just for her place to reach.
I knew She awaited me to miss this time not,
There she stood at the gate.
For all I could feel, 'twas Heaven's own gate!

She stood there like an angel,
I couldn't help but smile inside.
My dolorous exterior betrayed not the pain
That the love within had brought outside.
I looked into her twinkling eyes,
I searched for the love within.
I saw that glorious happiness of a sister,
But of a lover, O Acushla, I saw none.

There is a time and place for everything

2008-05-05T12:18:00.002+05:30

There is a time and place for everything
So the Good Book tells us my love.
Would that I would have faith in that,
I could a few more truths tell you my love.

There is no emotion in this fair world of ours,
That should cause so much confusion as does love.
For that fair emotion can be most unfair in truth,
Of this knowledge be never bereft my love.

Trust and respect, the other two pillars
Of a complete relationship my love.
Equally important and equally elusive to fulfill,
Of this do be aware always my love.

A man's word is his life and honor,
Especially so in the case of z0ltan my love.
For you, O Acushla my heart, he did truly
Place you above himself in his own eyes my love.

It seems to me but a strange cruelty

2008-05-05T12:18:00.001+05:30

It seems to me but a strange cruelty
To be so stranded far away from you Acushla.
To hear you and yet not see your face
For a glimpse of which this heart yearns.

It seems to me but a perfidious reverie,
To see your picture, a smiling photograph
And ache inside this organ of gloomy imaginations.
So hard. So long. So bad.

It seems to me but a gross mutated reality
To cry out my declarations of love to you,
O Princess mine,
And to see you smile in ingenuous vainglory.

Read in these eyes of mine my Lady

2008-05-05T12:17:00.002+05:30

Read in these eyes of mine my Lady,
The truth that words could never tell you.
Of love, trust, respect and also fear,
Fear of ever losing your faith my Princess.

I am but a simple man,
Of simple means and simple desires.
I care not for opulence or for luxury,
Nor ambitions beyond what would make us happy.

This life is beautiful in every way,
'Tis a gift and a mold of clay.
Shape it and bend it and turn it as we may,
In the end 'tis what we ourselves made.

Love I do bear you in measure infinite,
Adore you more than your own self.
Acushla, read this truth in z0ltan's eyes,
I love you and you till my last breath.

I miss you with every single beat

2008-05-05T12:17:00.001+05:30

I miss you with every single beat
Of this heart that listens to me not.
It seeks solace in the warmth of your voice,
That glorious creation of God's own love.

I miss you with every breath that I take
Chests heaving and relishing the freshness of the air.
Breath if Life so does ancient wisdom tell us,
O the daughter of the woods, breathe life in me tonight.

I miss you with every thought that crosses this mind
Of every moment when I held you in arms,
Every moment when I kissed your fairy lips,
Every moment, Acushla, when I died for your smile.

I miss you, my Princess,
With this loyal self I do miss you
And with this selfless existence,
I do love you true.

Perhaps I say it's all over

2008-05-05T12:16:00.000+05:30

Perhaps I say it's all over,
Perhaps we say it's but done.
Does that mean I never loved thee?
Would that seem to say that my words
Were mere hollow deception?
Traps of devious impersonation?

O my liege, my life's greatest joy,
Remember me not with love,
I will survive.
Remember me not with care,
I will love on.
But remember me not as a man of honor,
'Twill be a fate worse than damnation in hell.
For z0ltan was true to you,
In love unparalleled my love,

His every offering of love to you
Was but a piece of his life that he offered you.
A portion of his existence that he wilfully
Consigned to the flames of your passion.
He loved you true and he stayed faithful,

Remember him not with love O Acushla,
But remember him as the One who gave himself for you.

Stark and confused

2008-05-05T08:55:00.004+05:30

Stark and confused,
Dazed and embittered I was.
This xeric life distraught,
To despondence condemned,
"Oh hear ye, Oh hear ye, dead man walking!",
Was all that my ears could ken.

Hope I had none to live,
For to live for there was reason none.
Drained of emotions, conscience toyed with
To distraction,
Living hell was what my life had become.

Then you came in Acushla,
Oh my little angel in no disguise!
Would that I could capture that moment,
When I first beheld an angel on Earth!
So beautiful, so tender, so gentle,
So divine, so graceful, so perfect!
Yea, 'twas perfection that I saw in you,
Something that I could only aspire for,
And never reach.
My lady, I gave you my life and my heart,
Right then. Right there. For all eternity.

My Love, My Redeemer, My Acushla,
You taught me what it is to love again,
What it feels like to live again,
What it is like to want to die - in Love.

Each of your words I do remember

2008-05-05T08:55:00.003+05:30

Each of your words I do remember.
Treasure them like my children own.
Wish in my heart to be with you forever,
Ne'er let you go to church alone.

In truth I have given my life to you,
My soul, my heart and my trust too.
In return for all these mere gifts true,
I ask nothing but your happiness my boo.

Love is a strange joust of volition,
It can change and yet be the same.
Take care of that O Acushla, of that fair emotion,
For finding it and keeping is not a mere game.

I love you so O the delight of my heart,
Cannot I live without you.
Yet if your happiness be without your sweetheart,
I will every day without you die anew.

Here as the evening floats down from above

2008-05-05T08:55:00.001+05:30

Here as the evening floats down from above,
The darkness emerges forth from the gloaming.
To plunder, perturb and perpetrate its mischiefs
For the mind indeed is subject to the vagaries
Of season and time.
Season and time indeed - so also is the way
Of love for it changes too with the climes.
Sunny days are rummy for love,
Pray that it ne'er be the rains coming.
For companionship is as fickle as the
Wanton butterfly to the flower,
It changes quicker than one can say,
"I love you".
O Acushla, hear you this though from me,
This man was true to you till the end.
Let it be remembered of me thus my liege,
This was indeed a man of honor, this z0ltan.

This conversation of ours just concluded

2008-05-05T08:54:00.002+05:30

This conversation of ours just concluded
Leaving behind a feeling quite unknown.
Love? Maybe so, I still am not drained
Of that wanton emotion.
Desire? Not so, I am purged of that one now.
Longing? Maybe a bit for the memories of
Times past and times today lost.
Anger? Never, for this vile emotion
Is but for baser mortals, mere puppets
In the hands of capricious Nature
That does twist and bend and cajole them on,
Importune them to acts of madness and wantonness,
In the guise of justified retribution.
No, I feel not any of the above.
'Tis a strange thing to say my dearest Acushla,
And yet I think I love you now truly less.

Essence of a believer in love forlorn

2008-05-05T08:54:00.001+05:30

Essence of a believer in love forlorn,
Eyes flaring, beard flaming, ruddy hair unshorn.
Simian apparition lunging at the fair crowd,
Appalling to behold, muted suffering strangely loud.
Slay his self, spare him this torture,
Mere existence with a blank future.
Unrequited love that does fill tears,
Cares not he for the stares and the jeers.
Lost in thoughts of the past, a virtual anachronism,
The purveyor of hope wallows now in pessimism.
Fear not ye O the fair Acushla,
For this man bears you love and no malice.
He loves you true and cares for you too,
Adores you and respects you true.
Put you before him he did in matters of the heart,
Your self before his self and ain't that really smart?
Willing to lose himself in the quest for your happiness,
Pray ye O Princess, that he may his essence calmly egress.

Forfeit this life I would for a moment with you

2008-05-05T08:53:00.002+05:30

Forfeit this life I would for a moment with you,
A small price to pay for the happiness of a lifetime.
In that one moment of still reality, muted surroundings,
Calm, unfettered realization and the complete peace
Of clear understanding,

I would fain seize you by the arm,
Turn your face to mine.
Caress the profile of your face with my hand,
Breathe the sweet breath of restrained waiting
Into those ears sculpted to designs of perfection.
Gaze deep into those eyes that never lose their sparkle,
Nay, not for a moment, as if they hold the sparkle of
This world itself.
Kiss long those honey lips with my passion unbridled.
And in that moment of union, my love Acushla,
Care I not if this world were to end
Nor if God himself were to descend
And bid me hold my emotions.
For that moment is all that I have lived for,
My Princess, My Precious, My Pining.

In this life of mine I chose you

2008-05-05T08:53:00.001+05:30

In this life of mine I chose you,
To be the One in my life.

My happiness and my comfort,
My playmate and my cheer.
My partner and my lover,
My soulmate and my friend.

Your name is the One writ on my heart,
In the quill of that mighty love
Which does so easily overflow.
Acushla, I do tell you something
From the depths of my complexity.
In the midst of all that profundity
That z0ltan is,
He has but this one wish, a simple one,
Nothing special or extraordinary,
A childlike desire but not wishful thinking,
He chooses nothing else but this o Princess,
That you be the meaning of his life.

Leave me not like this O Angel

2008-05-05T08:52:00.000+05:30

Leave me not like this O Angel,
To pine away in your memory.
For 'tis a hard hard thing that I do,
When I let you leave my precious baby.

Ne'er would I dare give you pain,
Not the slightest remonstrance.
How can I hurt my baby so then?
Pray let me do my rightful penance.

To be away from you my leanv,
Is like separating my soul from my body.
'Tis the greatest punishment that I can mete out,
For me and for the unforgivable chicanery.

Live you long and live you happy,
Without my gross presence to bother you.
Live you simple and live you good,
O my heartbeat, my Acushla, I love you.

Yet another day closes upon us

2008-05-05T08:51:00.000+05:30

Yet another day closes upon us,
O darling, O the succor of my anguish.
Yet another day that draws us closer to the end.

Wish I do upon those stars that shine so
On the sable blanket cast across the vastness
Of this wondrous creation of that Divine Power.

Wish I do upon the air that fills my self so
That playfully jostles and caresses your tresses
And across your face so sublime.

Wish I do upon the emotion of love so
And the stirrings in my heart
When I lay my eyes upon your perfect self.

I wish not for myself but I wish for thee,
O the daily prayer of my heart Acushla,
This simple wish, song and prayer
That should this be the day that it all ends,
Sweet Lord and Creator, let me end first,
For I cannot bear e'en the contemplation
That you should afore me go.

Mysterious musings as of a winter day

2008-05-02T13:10:00.000+05:30

Mysterious musings as of a winter day,
Deep chill in my bones
And a deep frost in my heart dismayed.
Wait awhile! 'Tis not the cold that smarts
But the smart ways of the smart folks
That does smart me these whippings of love.

Sweet voice and sweeter deception,
Do these the noble z0ltan deserve?

Grand assertations and grander declarations,
Shortlived in spirit shall I these ignore?

Promises of virtuous longing and of faith pure,
Can I you trust O the honor of my heart so low?

z0ltan's honor is his life O Acushla,
Pray you keep that in your note forever.
In this manner so gentle and subtle,
Does he give you, O my baby, his own honor.

For what would this life be without you?

2008-05-02T13:09:00.003+05:30

For what would this life be without you?

Careless drifting of an emotional soul,
Mere existence of flesh and bones,
Dreariness and self abnegation to rote,
Ennui filled days of angst-ridden daze,
Perpetual mourning in this heartless chest,
Insomniac nights of Nicotine and Ecstasy.
Fruitless pursuit of my raison d'etre,
Joyless ramblings to douse the fire within,
Tearless weeping and a droll humorless laugh,
Torturous passages through tortuous paths,
Numbness in my every vein and fiber of this corpus,
Hopeless meanderings through the haunts of our meetings,
Raucous, shallow laughter that chills the heart of all,
Slow poisonous end to the body and the mind within.

I care not for the pleasures of this life my Precious,
Would that I could show you how I feel for thee,
Would that I could feel you and tell you
O Acushla,
How I love thee.

O I can feel it so soft upon my skin

2008-05-02T13:09:00.001+05:30

O I can feel it so soft upon my skin,
That tender touch of yours like satin.

Whiff of perfume through the air flows,
Desire to reach out for you quickly grows.

Smile of portentous exclamation,
Charm z0ltan to death and damnation.

Kiss so tender with lips so full,
Come Princess, my willing heart to rule.

Need I none but you for happiness,
O my Precious Acushla, my Princess.

Easter time it was when we first met

2008-05-02T13:07:00.002+05:30

Easter time it was when we first met,
Not in person and yet in manner so personal.
She bore me a message across so simple and tender,
With caution, care, love and inquiry all writ large.
'Twas a pleasant surprise and I took special heed,
Of this person who said she knew me
From the ages past whose memories for me had dimmed.

I remember clear as if it had happened but yesterday,
That night, at half past ten,
When she had called and I heard that voice of delight.
I cared not for how she looked
For she exuded the fragrance of frank honesty.
I cared not for how she walked
For she beamed that radiance of genuine openness.
I cared not for how she talked
For she showed me the meaning of love.

Now the time comes when this love is but all gone,
My heart wakes heavy and goes to sleep heavier still.
How can I go on without the heartbeart that shows I am alive?
And yet when this love of mine itself starts to hurt my Acushla,
I will spare you the pain and anguish of reckless love.
For I ask for not much from you and it is but this -
Stay you always happy and smiling, like the day I found you
And you re-found me.
I will go on. I will go on.

Virulent emotions overflowing

2008-05-02T13:07:00.001+05:30

Virulent emotions overflowing,
Vicious plots in planning.
Victimization of feelings deceiving,
Violent desires in strength alternating.
Vindications of assertations ingratiating,
Vilifications galore in spirit terrifying.
Vicarious sensibilities and retrospections following,
Vespers said at the night for the soul for grace saving.
Visions of love and imaginations of tensions receding,
Vistas of our separation and reunion loving,
Visit me in my dreams and my life, O Acushla, my precious darling.

Ostentations of emotional exuberance

2008-05-02T13:06:00.000+05:30

Ostentations of emotional exuberance,
In modes so varied and of such opulence.

Such passionate verses of otiose nature,
Pens this unruly heart for that divine creature.

Tensions in the mind and in the heart and in the soul,
So sweet indeed are the vicissitudes of love whole!

These words are but for you, O my very own Acushla,
Intoxicating like a hookah flavored with licorice.

z0ltan expresses, nay, emotes himself only for thee,
To all other suitors, cry he "Fie! Oh for shame, fie!".

'Twas a chance meeting that brought us near in love,
Staying apart would be a gross tragedy I do behove.

Leanv of mine from the heavens sent

2008-05-02T13:05:00.001+05:30

Leanv of mine from the heavens sent,
Why do you your faithful torment?
With angelic grace you made your descent
From the glorious reaches of the firmament.
The Gods, sensing their loss, did rue and lament,
Their loss and my life's true complement.
Heart and soul of mine did I to you present,
Pray be not now, O my jewel and my ornament,
To your z0ltan so indifferent?
By the tears I have shed in the guise of merriment
By the fears I have decried for the day of judgment
By the years of love I have promised, O my contentment
I bid thee, O my Acushla, be true to your faithful intent.

"Eheu! Fugaces labuntur anni!" so cried the ancient Roman

2008-05-02T13:03:00.000+05:30

"Eheu! Fugaces labuntur anni!" so cried the ancient Roman,
Well said 'twas for the years indeed are fleeting by.
Time is precious my Love so are you for me, O my companion,
The best years of our lives are the ones spent before we die.

For Love indeed does persist across time,
For Care indeed is not bound by space.
'Tis not a philosophy but a true paradigm,
That waiting for wait itself becomes a mere race.

Some things my leanv are worth the effort.
Others we must put careful thought into.
Delay with consideration can induce much hurt,
Matters of the heart I mean, agree you with me too?

Every moment spent apart is lost forever,
Like a drop of water into the raging seas.
Come now Acushla, into my arms yourself deliver,
Love you till the rage subsides into the maker's peace.

Heresy it would seem to me

2008-05-02T13:02:00.002+05:30

Heresy it would seem to me.
That I should make you hurt so.
The eclectic love that I do profess
Would seem to be a mere hollow deception.

Across the division between us,
In land and in the mind too,
I have seen you in truth demonstrate,
That nothing hurts more than Love true.

I do love you Acushla more than any man could do,
In faith, in word and in deeds too.
Alas! That this very love should you torment,
In torrents tears of unbearable pain should flow,
Trembling in trepidation, vicious discourse listening,
Precious heart beats with the anguish of love and hate?
Wherefore this mixture of potent contradictions?
Of love and despicable callousness?
My proclamations of courting love
Reduce to mere courteous shallowness.

There is a voice deep inside of me

2008-05-02T13:02:00.001+05:30

There is a voice deep inside of me,
Desperate to make itself heard.
In somber tunes it does call for thee,
Like the sordid courting song of a wee bird.

Acushla, my Princess and my deepest pain,
Where are you on this lonesome day?
I seek your voice and your touch all in vain,
Would you abandon your lover in this cruel way?

This life of mine was a deserted country lane,
Afore you with your love it did make fresh anew.
With greater pathos than that procrastinating Dane,
Do I swear that I, z0ltan, do love you.

O that this be the night my love

2008-05-02T13:01:00.002+05:30

O that this be the night my love,
When the impatient lovers twain meet
In glorious celebration of that fair emotion
That has afflicted us both in equal measure.

I close my eyes and see you there
Clear as the day I first saw you.
That same graceful gait bewitching,
Dazzling orbs of perfection they dare call eyes,
Sparkling with the sun and e'en more so with love.
That little squirt of a nose so delightful,
Luscious, inviting lips redder than the blush of her cheeks,
Cheeks that would make the berries of yonder seem pale.
That smile that smote z0ltan's heart at first sight,
The swaying hair of sable wonder, Aphrodite's own envy.
The neck! The neck that I could fain cradle in for eternity,
That whole creation worthy of the greatest sculptor
Amongst the whole pantheon! O my heart, be still!

O that this be the night my love,
When we our bodies and souls shall meet,
In unison perform the dance of love,
Unite in love, Acushla, the peace of my burning heart,
Ne'er again to part.

Zither in my arms, a song upon my lips

2008-05-02T13:01:00.001+05:30

Zither in my arms, a song upon my lips,
I wander these forlorn vales of gloomy faces.
I seek comfort in the music of our hearts,
The strings that play upon our love.
O my heart's greatest desire,
O my Acushla, my Princess, my liege lover!
That I should see you again, feel you once more,
How I look to the days when I shall smell your
Fragrance evermore!

All of my heart I have given to you,
Not a bit of my soul I have left for myself!
E'en if it were all worth but a single glance,
O my dearest of dears, I should be grateful.
For I love thee, O the prayer of my lips,
For I adore thee, O the reason of my existence,
For I worship thee, O the goddess of my love,
For I am one with thee, O my Acushla.

Invincible is this love of ours my baby

2008-05-02T13:00:00.000+05:30

Invincible is this love of ours my baby,
Stronger than the might of the Gods.
Though it be the swell of the world against us,
Persevere, prevail, preponderate we will against the odds.

My heart beats true for you my dearest,
So does yours for me in true tune.
When the will is with us and the means too,
Who can but keep us from winning our fortune?

For indeed 'tis a fortune, this, our love,
And we are meant to be together for ever.
For indeed who has seen tomorrow or the day after,
And yet, in unparalleled love our souls unite with each other.

Acushla, my Precious, I call thee my Acushla,
The Beat of My Heart, the heart of z0ltan.
And upon my honor do I swear, O my heart's only reprieve,
Acushla, I love thee more can than any God, angel or mortal man.

Victim of love or an inveterate romantic?

2008-05-02T12:59:00.000+05:30

Victim of love or an inveterate romantic?
What would you call me, O my Acushla?

I have given you my heart and my life too,
What would you like more me to give, O my Acushla?

Through these trying times I have stayed true to you my leanv,
How else would you like me to show my faithfulness, O my Acushla?

Caring for your every whim and need afore mine own,
Beyond this can any man love a woman, O my Acushla?

Choosing to die with your name on my lips,
Can I prove you more that I love you so, O my Acushla?

Under this beautiful orange sun

2008-05-02T12:58:00.000+05:30

Under this beautiful orange sun,
As the morning dew drops sublime,
As birds take flight in a symphony of cacophony,
As the infinite sky blooms forth in a dazzling blue,
As the earthy smell of fresh mud wafts up dreamily,
As the horizon seems to be streaked with blood,
As the glorious wind bites chill into the bones,
As shivering children make their way to school,
As fond mothers start the sweeping and cooking,
As the men make their way to work, whistling away,
As the city wakes up collectively in raucous celebration,
Welcoming a brand new day of life with gay abandon,
As z0ltan surveys all these beneath him
From his vantage point of vision,
Glorious beholder of all that be!
All that be worthy of notice I ken thus,
But where is that angel that his heart yearns for
To see?
Where is that leanv that be his morning delight to behold?
Where are you, O the sparkle of my eyes
And the peace of my heart.
Where are you, O my Acushla?

Nomadic existence in fruitless pursuit of that mirage

2008-05-02T11:34:00.000+05:30

Nomadic existence in fruitless pursuit of that mirage,
Which chanced upon a childhood imagination of yore.
A facade of a visage of beauty unimaginable,
Of a radiance in the sky brighter than a million suns.
Mere glance that breaks the heart e'en before 'tis created.
Of that careless tussle of that hair,
Which delights as much as it torments.
An ingenuous giggle, a precocious coyness,
The embodiment of coquettish grace!
Would that it be worth the grunt?
Would that it be worth the tears?
Alas! For good or for bad, 'tis but the truth,
In faith, in deed and in grace,
I am but destined to be the intrepid mirage chaser,
Crossing deserts of desolation, seas of dire depression,
Mountains of indomitable pain and anguish, the mires of
Unrequited emotions and flitting passions,
No more!
And yet in the final counting, Acushla,
Choose I to end this self in tireless wandering
Than be a mere dreamer of that youthful apparition.

Ornaments of strange beauty and form

2008-05-02T11:33:00.002+05:30

Ornaments of strange beauty and form
Lie behind those crystal separations.
Ornate, opulent, onerous to hold aloof
And even more torturous so from afar to behold.
Glinting in the backdrop of the dark encasing,
I let my imagination soar and I can see it
Her neck adorn,
In my mind's eye.

Sparkle it would against that skin so smooth
As if it were the Golden Fleece in human manner.
Shine it would on that neck so slender
As if it were the gazelle's own envy.
Dazzle it would on that bosom so luscious
As if it were the Tree of Life itself.
Befitting of a queen no less is this gem,
What! Is my Princess a jewel any less?

A smile creeps onto my face
As I ponder but for a moment.
Befitting 'tis indeed for a majesty's whim
And I know I am no king.
And yet as I walk away from that prison of glass,
I have within me the fires ablaze.
For z0ltan is wicked and e'en more smart
And if his body should go hungry today,
Acushla's smile and that image of class perfection,
Should his mind and his soul satiate!

Underneath this barren, emotionless exterior

2008-05-02T11:33:00.001+05:30

Underneath this barren, emotionless exterior
Beats a passionate heart, O my dear!
With every beat it does proclaim,
The eternal and immaculate love
That I have for none else but you Acushla,
O my Princess of my heart and soul!
Fain would I lie and belie the world for you,
Fain would I die by the roll of the die,
And yet for your one sigh, your one smile,
And yet for your one glance, your one wink,
And yet for your one secret, your one tear,
And yet for your one remembrance, your one embrace,
And yet for your one prayer, for your one love,
I would roll the die and lie to die
And oh the rhythm of my heart, I do not lie.

There is a pain in my heart

2008-05-02T11:32:00.001+05:30

There is a pain in my heart,
A sudden languor in my soul,
It has been a day without my Love.

There is a longing inside of me,
A deep desire for something vague,
It has been two days without my Love.

There is a sorrow in my self,
A mourning in my existence,
It has been three days without my Love.

There is a melancholia I am afflicted with,
A reproach toward all around me,
It has been four days without my Love.

There is a morbid nostalgia and I am it,
A deep disgust with my own self,
It has been five days without my Love.

Pray O Acushla test not my boundaries O Love,
For afore it be six days without my Love,
I shall be six feet under.

Enter my life O Princess

2008-05-02T11:25:00.000+05:30

Enter my life O Princess,
Through not the backdoor.
For we are not thieves in faith,
Indeed if thievery not be Love.
I have loved you true ever since that first time
When I proclaimed to you my emotions fair,
And I still do as I these fair words write.
O the peace of my heart, my dearest possession,
This feeling that I reveal only to you
For for what it's worth Acushla,
I love you.

A few things that I really abhor...

2008-04-30T13:44:00.009+05:30

This has been a long time coming. I have been keenly observing a few rather strange behavioral traits amongst my fellow denizens for quite a long time now. I even had the gall to post some of it on my company newsgroup and that elicited quite a bit of response, some humorous and others just plain banal. In my opinion, though, these are quite seemingly logical and yet people tend to miss them and would miss them if they were hit bang in the "area" (in Friendspeak) by these simple practises (which actually are the bare minimum to qualify humans as...well.. "human"). On pain of incurring the wrath of those who swear by the logic of Richard Dawkins (viz. that the majority opinion does not imply the best or even the correct opinion), the following are some of the things that really tick me off:

1. Parents walking their children on the wrong side of the road. (The traffic- side, in case you are one of those erring oafs!)

2. Good-meaning folks wearing shirts distastefully left outside their pants, when their only purpose in life (the shirts', not the dorks') is to be neatly tucked inside those pants, no matter how horrendous (the pants, not the shirts!).

3. Equally well-intentioned folks (invariably the same that fall under (2)) that choose to tuck in their tee-shirts inside their bone-hugging jeans as distastefully as they manage to do with their pants-and-shirts (see previous point).

4. Peeps who like to use expressions like "My two cents worth", "My two pence worth", "My two paisa worth", "My two oblong, disconnected, milli-pound, portions of cretinaceous neuronic miasmatic genetic detritus worth" to death. Literally flogging the horse to death.

5. People who use cliches like "flogging the horse to death" to death.
(Note: I am evidently spared by the force majeure induced by the extreme discomfiture produced by the effort of composing this blog, considering the grotesque nature of the topics being discussed... shudder...shudder).

6. People who overabuse the All-American ("from whence it hath spread like an affliction to torment all the peoples of this good world") expression "you know?", you know?

7. I am still young, with a great capacity for denigrating observation and preponderance in acidic humor, so this list should only grow!

(P.S : I should have been in college right now, judging the finals of the On-the-Spot-Programming (OSP in short) for those weirdos who choose to attend the equally strange contest called "Impetus" in the strangest place in all of this dang city - UVCE) and yet here I am, typing away my gripes to glorious Finnegan. What the Finnegan?!?)

Windows to the mind so pristine

2008-04-30T09:48:00.001+05:30

Windows to the mind so pristine,
So pure and yet so sublime.
Wish that you were here O my Heart,
I would show you that view most desirous,
Most beautiful, most graceful, most divine,
That which seeing would enchant you,
Entrap you, enslave you in Love.
For Love is a tender poison,
Killing in such gentle measure,
In such wondrous manner,
With such glorious vanity.
Passionate emotions within afire,
Vicious pangs of rank desire,
Workings of the soul in straits dire,
That creature divine I do most admire.
Now pray answer me this query my fiere
Would that you love me, O dear Acushla?

In grace she walks

2008-04-30T09:47:00.000+05:30

In grace she walks,
Elfin-like, angelic,
Cares not for the attentions of this vile world.
For her heart is of true gold made,
And chose she to give it to someone special.

O Lady of my Life, these tears stream down
In uncontrollable torrents.
I am not worthy of you, and yet you chose me.
I drink of life's sorrows, you imbibe its pleasures.
I emote o'er sufferings vicarious, you shed a genuine tear.
I live in the haziness of gloom whilst you in the sun do bloom.
I am but a mere human, you the pinnacle of all that is perfect.
O Acushla, my Love, my Princess, my dear Acushla,
Consider I myself not even to behold your face divine,
Would that I could choose a moment to die, O Precious,
Would I that it were but now -

In the lap of my Princess,
My eyes staring up unto hers.
Embracing her delicate shoulders,
With brutish arms that could a man tear asunder.
Radiant face that would shame the full moon,
With flowing dark mane,
Merging smoothly into the night around,
I wet her milky legs
With my grateful tears, for I know not much
But I know this - this is the moment I choose to die.

Villainous times, gratuitous misery

2008-04-30T09:46:00.001+05:30

Villainous times, gratuitous misery,
Scurrilous friends, egregious acquaintances,
Callous strangers, murderous enemies,
Gregarious hollowness, facetious humor,
Ponderous duties, preposterous expectations,
Pompous self, posthumous regrets.
In all this potent mix of debauched lechery,
A single sliver of hope shines for one like me,
A single memory suffices to evoke hope within,
A single smile melts away all the pain of hypocrisy,
A single touch douses the blaze of skulduggery,
A single whisper calms the towering waves of passion,
A single kiss to renew the Love within, Acushla.

Every night afore I close my tired eyes

2008-04-30T09:45:00.002+05:30

Every night afore I close my tired eyes,
Prepare to lay down to soulful rest.
I change into my night dress,
Set the alarm for the morn.
I dog-ear the page I am reading,
Check to see the door's fastened tight.
I turn off the lights,
Recline on my back.
I set my pillow comfortably,
See if my quilt's warm enough.
I gingerly creep inside the blanket,
Careful not to disturb the folds.
I care not for religious rites,
Abstain from a prayer to a God.
Yet there is something that I sense,
Is missing still from this nightly ritual.
Yet something amiss that I know for sure,
Makes me discomfited and fidgety.
It strikes me now as I see it myself,
'Twas not a prayer that I should say.
For that would be facetious rigmarole.
My religion is Love, and my prayer Acushla.
I close my eyes, turn myself inward,
A smile spontaneously breaks on my lips.
I remember her with devotion, adoration, dedication,
I feel her with tenderness, gentleness, selflessness.
I love her with all my emotions, passions, tensions,
I sleep with her face in my mind, her love in my heart,
Her peace in my soul.

Kisses from my mind I do give you my Lady

2008-04-30T09:45:00.001+05:30

Kisses from my mind I do give you my Lady,
This distance matters us not.
Our mind is together now, our bodies not far away,
Patient must we be for the day surely will come.

In great pain my heart burns for you,
Yearns for you and cries out for you.
Renders me helpless, hapless, senseless.
Devoid almost of all happiness,
This separation ravages me within.
Razes to wispy embers my consciousness,
Reduces me to impotent displays of witless importunacy.

Acrimonious, acidic, animosity paramount,
Belligerent, bellicose, bombast in indecent amount,
I prowl and scowl and rail and rant,
Take oaths upon the Gods and the Devil too,
Churning emotions, smoldering passions, devilish intentions.

And then I see you - nay, smell you,
Nay, touch you.
Nay, feel you.
Nay, sense you.
Nay, experience you.
And I know peace. I know happiness. I know contentment.
I know you, O my Princess. My Acushla.

Every day something to remember you by

2008-04-30T09:44:00.000+05:30

Every day something to remember you by,

A small flower or maybe two,
A little tree in the middle of the park in view.

A baby with rosy cheeks clasping its mother in the pew,
A lady standing in the queue for the loo!

A cup of coffee or a sprite or e'en a mountain dew,
A group of kids playing peek-a-boo.

A smell of the perfume that you have too,
A silhouette of a lady that looks like my boo.

A news in the paper of a rain-dance in a resort new,
A smile on my face, Acushla, when I realize how much I love you true.

Chariots of the Gods immortal

2008-04-30T09:42:00.000+05:30

Chariots of the Gods immortal,
Carry me heavenward.
This life is but an affliction,
A tormented existence dry and apathetic.
A mere roll of the dice,
A trivial twist of the Fates,
A grotesque jest of sardonic Nature,
A blatant travesty of Flesh and Blood.

Without you Acushla.

Chariots of the Gods immortal,
Carry me not heavenward.
For I have found my heaven,
And it is but in my Lady's heart.

In my soul there is a chasm

2008-04-29T15:20:00.000+05:30

In my soul there is a chasm,
A deep abyss, infinitude personified.

In my heart there is an anguish,
A deep abyss, infinitude personified.

In my mind there is a blanked memory,
A deep abyss, infinitude personified.

In my thoughts and in my words,
In my deeds and in my actions,
Under the blistering gaze of rectitude,
I yearn for you, I seek you,
I crave for you, I find you,
I die for you, I live you.

Come Princess, that my soul shall be healed.
Come Precious, that my heart shall know peace.
Come Acushla, that my mind shall know you.

Liaisons of the heart across time and space

2008-04-29T15:17:00.003+05:30

Liaisons of the heart across time and space,
Most precious, precocious and sometimes presumptuous.
Beauty clad in satin softness and velvety lace,
Would that I could resist your charms delirious?
A mere curl of those honey lips,
Enough to make my heart skip once.
A mere twist of those Hecubaic hips,
Enough to make my life freeze in the nonce.
'Tis but an honor to live and to die,
For naught but a moment of your affections.
Doubt you not me Acushla for does a dying man lie?
I carry away not with me any affectations.

365: An ode to my Acushla

2008-04-29T09:58:00.003+05:30

This is a book that may never be finished. In fact, I think it is more complete in its incompleteness. Like a magnificent edifice which is ever so much more resplendent and evocative of grandeur because of its imperfection than any marbled glory could ever be. Starting with this blog, I will regularly post these poems that I had composed - for my Acushla. Where she is and who she is, I do not know yet. All I know is that this is the unfettered and unblemished emotion of z0ltan. Here is the first one of a long series. Just goes to show how much this heart does feel. As they say, beneath the cold, emotionless, forbidding exterior...

All these years of muted waiting

All these years of muted waiting
Expectant desires and shadowed memories.
Images fleeting and smells strangely evocative
Of distant remembrances and chance meetings...
Love I had kept in my heart secure
Strange to think She had done the same.
For meant to be or mere twist of fate,
'Twas our fate to be fated together in faith.
Destiny is but a fickle companion
The momentary partner of the fool undisguised.
What is't that then that we have O Love?
Acushla, in faith and in deed, Love, if Love we can define

Moving on...

2008-04-21T09:25:00.004+05:30

Today it broke. I cannot and will not describe it but it gave way today. I had been waiting for it, in half-perplexity and half-mockery, for about a week now. And it came forth so surprisingly swift in the morning, just a few minutes after I awoke, that I was unable to control the torrents of emotional weeping and my whole body and soul quivered for but a moment and then it was all gone. Forever.

For the past week I had been walking about in a daze. Literally. Mind-induced and it may seem suicidal but I had managed to intoxicate my lungs, neurons and my whole persona with 80 cigarettes in just two weeks. Do the math and it comes to a round 5.7 cigarettes per day. Every SINGLE day. This is the price that z0ltan pays for caring for someone beyond himself. Never mind.

As the days of the last week passed on, I felt lesser and lesser of that emotional turbulence and I could feel the love dying slowly but surely - crushed by my promise to that fair maiden and also the realization that the past year had been a mere farce. Just an illusion. A mere mirage. A banal resort of one in the midst of a rebound and in loneliness ensconced. No love. No caring. No truth. And then it came.

In twenty seconds of uncontrollable mourning, I gave up the soul for ever. The soul of this relationship that never had been. Let the kaddish be sung. Let there be no wake. For today I am happy. I am free of torment. I am z0ltan.

Le roi est mort. Vive le roi.

2008-04-12T12:01:00.006+05:30

This is my Day of Mourning.

ברוך אתה ה' א‑לוהינו מלך העולם, דיין האמת

Let it end with this day.