Prologue

As a child I had once read in this wonderful book by Dominique LaPierre and Larry Collins, "Freedom at Midnight", a curious quote uttered by a group of American wanderer sages in Northern India - "Everything is transitory". I just never did feel the meaning of those words till now. I of course understood the purport but perhaps it is one of those rare occasions in life when one has to experience it to truly understand it.
The trials and travails of the past few weeks have indeed wrought about in me a deep appreciation of the wondrous depth of that simple aphorism. Just when one starts feeling smug and even ennuied(sic) with the whole idea of having deciphered the fundamental mysteries of life and its vicissitudes, one gets to savor such a sweet humbling experience. That's life for you.

To my dearest friend, whose last day at her current workplace is today, I just want to tell you that perhaps what happened is for the best and surely you are destined for many more things much greater than what you have achieved already. Take care and never ever look back. With all my love.

Fire and water - apt.

Diagnosis: Major sunburn. Crinkly, leathery, scabby, dry, painful skin.

Cause: Four days of gay abandon in the summer sun and saline sea.

Cure: H20

Have fun!

Let's get on with it!

It was probably in my fourth grade that I first learnt the term 'continuum'. It was such a fascinating word that I had to look up the exact definition to satisfy my curiosity. Even so, I daresay that I already had deduced the same, merely from the context. It bemused me no end - its simplicity wrapped in deceptive complexity and vice versa. Imagine a series of events per se which would appear to smoothly transmute and merge into one another - a veritable montage of subtle changes. And yet between any two sufficiently spaced points on this timeline the differences would be more than discernible;in fact to the casual observer, they could appear to be two unrelated events. Even in those early days my intellect could see the remarkable analogy in life itself. We plow through our daily lives with nary a thought about the past or many times even the future. All that really matters to us is the present - its deeds, decisions and consequences. The passage of time sneaks past all but the real connoisseur of introspection. Within a period of time (say, a year) things may have changed the same life beyond recognition and yet it's only at the end of time that the changes can be appreciated or indeed even detected.

One may wonder why I should choose to wax eloquent on the interpretation of that singular term and yet there is a good reason for it all the same. Yesterday was a special day. A simple one and yet one that marks a watershed in my own life. Since my first major relationship ended acrimoniously, I have had this habit of 'mourning' it. A wake if I may so, for the end of the relationship - no matter how easy or hard it may have been, no matter how good or bad . Perhaps it follows from my own principle of belief that I should pay my respects to something that arguably constituted a third of my life. The first time I did this was hard. Harder than anything that I ever had to do. My own self control seemed to be in jeopardy. Indeed for some time it would have been easier to give up and regress to more immediate means of alleviating the pain and yet I knew that would be wrong. It would be a mere emotional palliative. When I did get through that year, I found myself stronger. Emotionally, metaphysically and in terms of my self-esteem. I could truly appreciate and respect myself, unconditionally. Right about this time last year a special relationship - that which in so many ways I had felt would be the one for this mortal lifetime - ended. The questions remained unanswered and that is how it shall remain. That is not important. What really is pertinent is the fact that I knew or rather felt in
my heart that this beautiful journey was over. Who I had believed was my Acushla was not. It saddened me more than anything to witness this love shrivel and die. I had already lost a lover and a friend. Afore I lost all faith in human trust itself, I walked. And I never looked back. I do not regret that and I never will. The beauty of love lies in its free will. Each one makes a decision about what role that love plays in his or her life. Love cannot be coerced and love certainly cannot exist where the mind has pre-concluded the imminence of its end.

A year back it died. I have mourned, suffered, lamented, introspected, raged, raved, purged and paid my due respects. To the relationship that was and to me. Today I begin forth my life anew. Afresh and with no remnants of the past either in form or in intent. I am proud of myself and I am proud that I have the gumption to go forth and fulfill my destiny. About my Acushla, wherever she might be and whoever she might be, I will find her. I know when. To my past - so long and farewell. To all my friends and especially my family who stood by me, never letting me feel the void that was within, I love you all and I am truly grateful. Has this experience changed what I believe in and who I am? No, that would be to accord it far too much importance. If anything, it was eminently forgettable. Call me obstinate or call me naive, I call myself z0ltan. And here's to a fresh start to life. Peace!

The winter of wry-ters' block is over...

By which I mean to say that this long blogging break is over my brizzles and nizzles.
Good cause to celebrate, aside from this, that is: Mondy Pydon (as the travel agent lady would have it).
Cheerios!

Musings on a wondrously appropriate topic at an equally inappropriate time!

What I saw there made me realize that as opposed to the state of
affairs as I had perceived over a decade and a half back - where
social distinctions were based more on the ethnic differentiator,
the situation in the present day is more that of a modernized,
commercialized society where the strata are created based on
financial prowess. This is indeed a momentous time for that small,
quiet, brooding edge of the country for this is the irreversible
change of economic forces that is reshaping the whole social fabric.
I am deeply saddened to hear of people having to sink to low and base
means to make a living, of having to emigrate and work as cheap labor,
to have no access to education in a place where the per capita inflow
of capital would be nothing short of mind-boggling. I am not one to
judge these people for they are but in the same business as me - of
surviving. The only difference is that I am at a different level from
them. Who am I to look down upon them or berate them or empathize with
them? The truth is, I cannot know and never will be able to know what
they have been through, Yes, I have had my own demons and they haunt
me still but they are my bane and I deal with them. Sometimes it seems
hypocritical to be elevated in the plane of abstract sufferings,
ponderings, ecstasy and flight when there are people barely living
with their honor intact. To stave off digression, let me get to the
the main thrust of my opinion - unless and until the nepotism of the
plutocratic oligarchy is done away with for good, I see no hope for
the state or its people. See what happened to Africa? Lessons are hard
to learn when they are on the other side. Maybe you have the will,
perhaps even the strength to do something about it, your 'Enlightened
Nagas' spiel might still evoke passions within some rational people
and yet without a real social mass of dedicated people - day in and
day out, they will be but reduced to burning embers of a once
gloriously iridiscent blaze! So take heed my dear friend. Take good
heed.

Note: Adapted without elision from a communication to a friend.

One for all and for eternity

"Regret for the things we did 
    can be tempered by time;
 It is regret for the things that we did not do
    that is inconsolable"

 - Sydney J. Harris.

I had been wrong...

It's been long day at work
I haven't thought today
I haven't let doubts trouble me
I've been working without a pause
So I can tell you, I've been happy.
Now the day is done,
And as I let my waiting thoughts in,
What I see is a thousand things,
clamoring for attention inside my head.
I can't sort them out,
but there's One, so amazingly calm.
So beautiful and soft,
I want to simply pick it up.
It's the thought of my dearest friend.

I hope my friend is home by now
And thinking of a happy day spent.
I wish my dear friend is surrounded with
Warmth and comfort, joy and love all through the night,
Until morning shall bring an even nicer day.
I want you to smile even when you're asleep,
So I've asked the night to bring you it's happiest dreams.
I've asked the stars when they look over you at night,
To let you know how dear you are to them.
Now I'm going home, content,
For I've I just heard the Universe whisper a promise to me,
A promise to take care of my precious friend.


I know I do not deserve that but I was wrong the previous time - this is the best honor that I have ever been bestowed with. Not the success of a lifetime nor the peace of a perfectly unequivocal mens could bring me the satisfaction or happiness wrought by this simple and yet elegant and most of all honest mail from my dearest friend.
Nothing at all.

About a Girl

A decade since I had seen her. Yet that same freshness in her smile, that same sparkle in her opalescent eyes, that dimpled chin that always brought out my own, the very same mellifluous voice - just richer with the time that has passed, auburn cascades of bewitching curls, the lithe, lissome form perfect in every movement of her gait, the wondrous persona that exuded such a powerful mystique that I could never resist. And to think it had been almost ten years. Hardly any change in all that time but perhaps it is my mind that had conspired to keep that image through the flow of time. Sneha. For the world. For me, cuisle mo chroidhe.

Like Grga Pitic said with such finesse (borrowing the same from Casablanca) in that deceptively light movie Crna mačka, beli mačor, "This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship". Friendship is moot. Now the itinerant Arwen is back. Trust z0ltan to take it all the way to Rivendell.

Respect.

(P.S: Title with all due respect to Geffen and Kurt. Peace.)

Some folks jez ain't made that way.

Some folks jez ain't made that way.

Respect!

Rest in peace ol' friend...

Today (technically yesterday according to the time zone I live in), a dear dear friend of mine (one-way) died (he wouldn't have me say it any other way). George Carlin, rest in peace and may you always entertain the world beyond.